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发表于 2007-11-3 14:28
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《Real World Seduction》
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Part 1: Becoming the Prize
The first part of this book is going to impart you with some very powerful beliefs, attitudes, and frames for being the sort of man hot women pursue. I know some of you are going to feel tempted to skip over this section and go straight to the sections on PRIZABILITY and PRIZING.
However, fight against this temptation.
The reason is that the beliefs, attitudes, and frames l have included in this section are essential for mastering the arts of both PRIZABILITY and PRIZING. If you consider yourself well motivated and want optimal results, read this section twice.
Chapter I: My Story
Ever since l was a kid l was fascinated by the art of picking up and seducing women. I still have vivid memories from being a kid of going to the mall with buddies and trying to GAME chicks--we would usually fail miserably because we were stilI GAMING, but in time this all changed.
When l was in Junior high school l was a total nerd.
So, before l entered high school l made a conscious effort to change myself: I read a couple of books on dating, changed my dress and got a cool haircut. Did this make a difference? You bet your ass it did. By high school l had a few girls as consistent booty calls, and had a couple hot girlfriends. This was nothing to write home about, but at least l was getting laid.
Then l went off to college and my sex life plummeted. One time after not getting laid for several months, I went to a frat party and fucked a total warpig (“warpig" is slang for fat chick with a mustache). When l woke up the next morning, I was half suffocated by her thick torso wrapped around me, and half depressed that l had stooped to an all time low. I knew that l had to do something about this area of my life. Some people told me that dwelling on this was superficiaI. I thought: they might be right, nonetheless, getting this area of my life out of the way seems damn significant to me.
So, at that moment l made a conscious effort to seriously start improving my skills with women.
At first l studied videos, books, and tapes on the subject -- I even studied hypnosis and NLP. I did have some success after studying all of this materiaI. However, Iooking back, a lot of the success l had was probably due to both me having something to say and my confidence in the material l had studied (Iook, if you say anything with confidence that isn't totally offensive, a certain amount of women are going to be into it just because you are giving them attention. The problem is this: these women are usually not the women we desire).
As time went on, I stopped trying to GAME or win over the women l desired, and started PRIZING them. This resulted in me not only bedding more, but bedding hotter girls.
Much of what l was doing to PRIZE these women had little to do with the original material l had studied.
Even weirder was this: during this time l had a chance to meet and befriend many of the so-called pickup gurus. Many of the things that made them successful had almost nothing to do with what they taught.
I think a big problem was not that these guys were consciously secretive about this skill set, but that they were not conscious of having it. Some of these guys taught me a lot.
However, it was only once l put a valiant effort into befriending, talking to, analyzing, and sleeping with women, that l really begun to understand how to PRIZE.
The reasoning for this is twofold. Firstly, most women, unlike men, intuitively understanding how to PRIZE: get men chasing them. So, by spending most of my time with, not men, but women, I Iearned how to PRIZE. Secondly, you have to know the nature of the beast, to compel it to chase you. Put in other words, I Iearned how to make women tic by being around them.
Moving forward.
Chapter II: Attributes of men who are the PRIZE
When l was younger l was always under the impression that women assessed a man's worth by the value of the things he possessed: his looks, his clothes, his car, his house, etc. But then in college l came into contact with a man who had none of these things: he was old, ugly, bald, poor, and neither owned a car nor a house. However, hot women were always befriending him, flirting with him, calling him, and sleeping with him. This was not just something he told me. I saw with my own eyes hot women dashing up to him and embracing him with giant bear hugs, Iustfully admiring him, and then begging him to go on a date with them. Often times, he would slowly look them directly in the eyes and calmly utter, "No". Then they would try to persuade him why he should go out with them. Once again, he would slowly look into their eyes, cock one eyebrow, and calmly utter, "No". This really frustrated women, but was fascinating to watch. At first l did not understand what was going on. I even contemplated him being a drug dealer. But what l did not realize at the time was that he was doing certain things that conveyed to women that he was the PRIZE. Since then, I have encountered several men who also have certain attributes or do certain things conveying that they are the PRIZE to women. Let’s take a look at some of these attributes.
Taking a Strong Lead:
These men are not afraid to take a strong lead. Most hot women are turned on by a strong dominant male lead. Women will often times try to take control of the lead to test how sure of himself a man is. If they discover that he is unsure of himself or has a weak sense of self, they will often times run the other way or walk all over him. Nonetheless, this is a sure way to loose a woman. When we talk about frames, we will explore techniques for keeping in control of the lead.
Having high standards:
This is a big part of what makes these sorts of men the PRIZE. I think these men are doing two things to convey to women that they have high standards.
Firstly, they are conveying through their attitudes and behaviours to women the belief that most women already want to sleep with them. Secondly, they are letting women know that they will not sleep with them if they fall short of their expectations, standards, and rules.
Will some women think these sorts of men are arrogant, demanding, and snobby?
Yes, but there is a part deep down inside most women that love when men act this way. However, few will ever admit that it exists.
I think the reason most women love when a man acts this way is that it conveys to them that he is used to being treated as the PRIZE. Put in other words, it makes them think that he is used to being courted, gamed, and chased by women.
Making her come into their world:
When most men are interested in a woman they make the mistake of coming into her world. Let me give you an all too familiar example of this. Imagine that there is a guy who tries to invite a girl out with him, and the girl counters by saying that she already has plans to go to her friend's party, but that she would love for him to tag along. When the guy arrives at the party, he knows no one and the girl is surrounded by both guys and girls giving her lots of attention.
The problem with this scenario is that unless the guy is very skilled at PRIZING, the girl will end up taking the lead, which, as we have learned, is a bad thing because women are attracted to men who take a strong lead, not the other way around.
Plus, this guy has extra work cut out for himself: he must prove himself to her friends. Thus, this is not the ideal environment for bringing out his most PRIZABLE attributes.
So, if you want her to see you as the PRIZE, make sure you take her into your world. Take her around people who already love and admire you. In these social situations you will not have to try hard to prove yourself to others because they already love you. This will allow the most PRIZABLE attributes of your personality to flourish. Also, your friends loving and admiring you will validate in her eyes that you are the PRIZE. So remember, men who are the PRIZE do not go into her world but make her come into their world. In other words, they make her play on their battlefield
(note: this only applies to the first couple times these guys hang out with a girI. If they have been seeing a girl for a while, and refuse to ever go into her world, she will perceive them as
being insecure--bad thing!).
Making her accommodate them:
Most women that l know have told me that they are turned off by men who try too hard at accommodating them. I think what happens when a man does this is that he comes across as desperate and approval seeking. Many of us know of guys who when out with a woman will become very self-conscious about things such as: whether or not she likes the music they are playing in their cars, or whether or not she likes the way they dress. The problem is that when guys spend lots energy either caring about what a woman thinks of them, or trying to accommodate her, she will pick up on it. Women have some weird intuitive ability for picking up on men's insecurities. Even if a man acts confident, but is dwelling on accommodating her and caring about what she thinks of him, she will smell his insecurities a mile away.
As we already know, being insecure, desperate, and approval seeking, is not the best way to get women to see you as the PRIZE.
So, what is my suggestion: stop caring so much about accommodating women.
Emulate the actions of men who are the PRIZE by making women accommodate you. Put in better words, do things that make women court, pursue, and chase you. If you are thinking to yourself, "this all sounds great, but how do I 'actually' get a woman chasing me?" don't worry because you are in luck: showing you the exact steps to getting a woman to chase you is exactly what this book is about.
Being Challenging:
AImost all hot women like a man who can challenge them in the right way. Challenging a woman combines taking a strong lead, having standards, taking her into your world, keeping her toes, taking her on an emotional roller coaster, and making her accommodate you (we will spend quite a bit of time on the art of challenging later on).
Having a sense of humor:
In lceberg SIim's book 'Pimp' he says, "A Pimp is happy when his whores
giggle. He knows they are asleep".
Now just to let you know, I do not endorse being a pimp, and l do not view
women as whores.
However, I think SIim's point is a powerful one. Whenever, a man gets a
woman laughing, she feels comfortable. What this means is that she stops
judging and analyzing every move he is making, and her defenses go down.
This makes it much easier to take a strong lead, get what you want, and make
her chase you.
Humor also shows that you neither take yourself nor the interaction too
seriously; and seriousness is the death of good PRIZING.
Furthermore, one of the sexiest nonphysical qualities women find in men is
humor. In fact, there are numerous examples of women falling hard for men
who they physically were not attracted to, yet found their sense of humor to be
irresistible.
So, if you can learn to do what l teach in a way that gets women laughing, you
are more than on your way to becoming the sort of man women try to win
over.
Being vulnerable:
If a person comes across as too perfect, women will often times loath him. Maybe this is because he makes women feel insecure? Maybe this is because, since humans are fallible by nature, he comes across as fake and disingenuous? I don't know.
Nonetheless, I have found it useful to reveal some vulnerability or weakness within the first few hours of meeting a woman. What l like to do when PRIZING a woman is to tell her a couple of things about myself, which reveal a weak or vulnerable side of me.
Displaying costly signals:
Recently l was reading a book authored by the lsraeli evolutionary biologist Amotz Zahavi called "The handicap principaI". In the book he argues that the alpha males of many species of animals advertise or give off certain signals to females letting them know that they are fit for survivaI, and, thus, worthy of being a mating partner. But according to Zahavi, many of these signals are not the advertising of characteristics that are conducive to survivaI. Instead, they are signals that are the advertising of characteristics, which hinder one from surviving. But, the message to females is: despite having these characteristics l can still survive.
So, how does this apply to PRIZING women?
WelI, as male humans, mating is an essential part of our genetic survivaI. This is probably why males typically exploit every opportunity to mate with attractive females. Likewise, the less opportunities a male has to mate, the more needy he becomes about mating when an opportunity comes along.
However, the man who is indifferent or turns down a possible opportunity to mate with an attractive women, is putting out the signaI: Despite the fact that l am not mating with you, my genes will still survive because l have so many other opportunities to mate with other attractive women.
In my experience giving off this vibe to women is extremely powerful and a big part of conveying the message of being the PRIZE.
They are comfortable with themselves:
Women like men who are comfortable in there own skin.
Some suggestions.
One is that you should get really comfortable around hot women.
I know many guys who only spend time with women they are sleeping with.
The problem with this is that unless a guy is really good at PRIZING, he is not
going to be hanging around many hot women, meaning he is probably not
going to be comfortable with himself around them.
So, what l suggest you guys do is befriend five hot women.
Do not hit on them; just be friends with them.
These women will teach you more about meeting women than any course you
take or book you read on the subject--not from what they tell you, but from
analyzing the subtext of their communication, and from observing their
behavioural patterns.
Being a Dandy:
In Robert Green's excellent book, Art of Seduction, he talks about how women
find dandy's--men who have a feminine charm--to be irresistible.
I think he is right about this.
AImost every person l know who is good with women, is very masculine, yet
has a certain feminine charm.
Now before you guys go out and buy a skirt (although this might work; glam
rockers used to get laid quite a bit doing this), Iet me be more specific.
Women find men irresistible who have a feminine sense of style and humor,
are attentive to details that only women notice, and judge women in the way
that women judge men. Now if this is not completely clear yet, don't worry. We
are going to chat more about this and how to manifest these traits later on. If
you want some examples of Dandy's in show biz, Iook at Prince or Rudolf
Valentino (they are/were feminine, yet have/had a very masculine side to
them).
Being a coquette:
Face it boys: Most women love drama. If they didn't, most soap operas would have been canceled long ago--men just don't watch these awful shows, unless they're gay. But by 'drama' I do not mean that women pride themselves on having all of the horrible things happen to them that happen in the soap operas. What l am saying is that women enjoy being around people--and especially men--who take them on an emotional roller coaster. This means being with a man who can both, make them feel an array of different emotions--sadness, happiness, excitement, etc.--and can, Iike a good roller coaster, be unpredictable and keep them in suspense.
So what sort of man does this? This is the sort of man who at one minute shows interest in a woman and the next minute acts as if he doesn't know her. This is the sort of man who at one moment makes her feel sad and the next moment has her rolling on the floor laughing. Put simply, this is about being a coquette. This is about Pushing & Pulling, which will be discussed in the third section of this book.
Being a Rake:
The word 'rake' is derived from the word 'rakehelI', which means the person who rakes the coals of helI. So, it is not surprising that the type of seducer 'rake' is someone who offers women adventure and danger. Like the coquette, he is a master at creating an emotional roller coaster for a woman in that she can never tell what he is going to do next: he keeps her on her toes, and in suspense. So, if you are a woman reading this, I am talking about the 'bad boy': the guy who is a little unstable, unpredictable, and yet, you find him strangely arousing.
Furthermore, he presents women with a paradox.
He is committed to pleasuring women (albeit, he is not committed to pleasuring or loving any woman in particular). This can simultaneously be both alluring and confusing to a woman because he is sending mixed signals. We will discuss the power of mixed signals in the chapter on Pushing & Pulling.
Chapter review:
Some of the qualities of men who are the PRIZE are:
1
Taking a strong lead
2
Having Standards
3
Making her come into your world
4
Making her accommodate you
5
Being challenging
6
Having a sense of humor
7
Being vulnerable
8
Displaying costly signals
9
Being comfortable with yourself
10
Being a Dandy
11
Being a Rake
12
Being a Coquette
Homework:
Pick two of these qualities. Spend the next week really internalizing them. Then write down in a journal how differently people are reacting to you. Then after this, pick two more qualities, internalize them, and then write down in your journal how people are reacting to you differently, and so on. At the end of six weeks, you will notice how much better you have become at conveying to women that you are the PRIZE.
AIso, start paying attention to what men, who are good women, do. Put your defensive insecurities aside, and instead of telling yourself that they are good because they have things that you don't have--for example, Iooks and money -ask yourself the question: What is it about the way they act that makes women see them as the PRIZE?
Chapter III: Attributes women loath
Men who seek women’s validation:
Women hate men who need their acceptance or validation. I used to be this sort of man. I used to worry about getting validation from a woman--'is she going to like the place l am taking her?' etc.
This is a huge women repeller.
Instead, women enjoy a man strong enough to get validation in other ways besides through her.
Men who have a weak sense of reality:
This is similar to men who seek validation from women. This is a man who is unsure of himself, and unsure in his beliefs about the world. So if you are the sort of man who does not have a sense of what acceptable behaviour from women is, or does not have his own sense of what is important to him, or does not have his own sense of what is cool and uncooI, you are in trouble. Furthermore, if you are the sort of man who has a sense of these things but feels intimidated to assert them to women, you are in trouble.
If a man is weak and let’s a woman or other people define these things for him, she will loose interest.
Put simply, women are attracted to men who can think for themselves and are assertive about what they think and like. And not being able to think for yourself or be assertive is a huge women repeller.
So if this is a problem for you, you need to start working on being the sort of man who has standards, has his own take on the world, knows what he Iikes, and has the guts to let other people know what these things are.
Homework:
Pick one attribute or behaviour of yours that conveys to women that you are not the PRIZE--we all have them, so pick one. Now replace it with an attribute or behaviour that conveys that you are the PRIZE. Instead of getting over zealous, pick only one negative attribute per week to work on. The reason is that if you really focus on getting rid of a single behaviour or attribute a week the change will be more permanent than if you were focusing on changing ten attributes or behaviours a week.
AIso spend some time observing men who women seem to walk all over. Instead of jumping to the conclusion that women are walking all over a man because he is fat or ugly, ask yourself the question: What is it about the way he is acting that is conveying to women that he is not the PRIZE? If you find similarities between how you and this man act, you might want to work on getting rid of these behaviours.
Okay, moving forward.
Chapter IV: Beliefs
“I have the belief that I am better looking than I actually am. I know that I am not as good looking as some men, and better looking than others. But I know that I can walk into a room and walk out with another man’s girlfriend”
Sex, Money, and Kiss by Gene Simmons
Now that's an empowering belief. Having this belief alone, sets a great precedence for PRIZING women. I am going to give you a whole bunch of beliefs that are conducive for PRIZING women. Having these beliefs are absolutely essential for being able to PRIZE women.
Let’s look at the reasons why beliefs are important.
Why Beliefs are important:
There are two main reasons.
One is that beliefs set the groundwork for setting strong frames (we will talk about frames and their importance in the next two chapters), which will enable you to PRIZE women.
The second is that what you believe becomes your reality.
Or put in Robert Anton Wilson's words, "What the thinker thinks, the prover proves". What this means is that our mind is designed to focus its attention on finding real world evidence of our beliefs. The weird thing is, no matter how far fetched a belief is, the mind is always able to find evidence in the world to back it up.
Let me give you an example of how this works: I want you to become aware of all of the red things is your environment. Now close your eyes.
How many red things can you remember? Good. Now keeping your eyes closed, I want you to remember all of things in your
nvironment that were yellow. Hm...I bet you remembered more red things. Why? Your focus or direction of attention was on things that were red, not yellow.
The same thing holds true with beliefs. So, for example, when you have beliefs that you are the PRIZE--such as, 'women just want to use me for sex', or 'women just treat me like l am a big sausage with feet'--your mind begins to find evidence of this in the real world.
And the more evidence your mind finds of your beliefs, the stronger they become, and the stronger they become, the more convincing you will come off to women. Not a bad deaI.
Let’s take a look at some important beliefs to have when PRIZING women (Some of these beliefs are my own, while others l have gotten form some of my friends who are naturals with women).
Important beliefs for PRIZING:
1
No matter how psychotic it seems, most men that l know, who are good with women, have the unwavering belief that they are the PRIZE. Furthermore, they are good at conveying this unwavering belief to women (we will talk about conveying this belief to women when we talk about frames and PRIZING).
2
They have the unwavering belief that women are wonderful creatures who both love sex and want to please. Having this belief will stop you from being bitter. Being bitter is a sure way to prevent you from being able to PRIZE women. Definitely a bad thing!
3
Many of my friends have the belief that they know a woman and her body better than she does. This belief will come in handy when we talk about PRIZING women.
4
No matter what the woman's reaction to you is there is always something beneficial to learn. This is actually one of my beliefs. I found that when l started viewing negative reactions l got from some women not as personal attacks on my character, but as opportunities to learn something useful, my ability to PRIZE women skyrocketed.
5
Whenever a woman tells you that she does not like something about you or that you are doing, it is her own issue, not yours (This applies to when you first meet women).
6
No matter what her current reaction to you (or her current situation) is, she still wants (or will sleep with) you. All you need to do is structure the right context to let it happen. This will come in handy when we talk about frames and reframes.
7
You do not need validation from her, yet she is trying to get validation from you. Having this belief is yet another aspect of believing and being the PRIZE -very powerful indeed.
8
Every woman on some level wants you. The question is: Do you want them? Do they live up to your standards and expectations? This will come in handy when we talk about frames, and Qualifying & Challenging. So, keep this belief in your back pocket.
9
Since she is courting you—trying to win you over—you get to DECIDE whether or not the both of
you will sleep together. This is a big part of establishing the frame of her chasing you.
Review:
Beliefs are important in two ways. One is that they set the groundwork for setting strong frames (we will talk more about this in the next chapter). Two is that what you believe becomes your reality. What this means is that our mind is designed to focus its attention on finding real world evidence of our beliefs. Thus, a big part of having women see you as the PRIZE is about you believing that you are the PRIZE.
Homework:
Guys, I have given you eight beliefs to start with--soon you will come up with some of your own. You should rehearse them out loud twice a day: for example, when you wake up in the mourning and right before you go to bed. Treat them as affirmations.
Remember: the more you rehearse these beliefs the more your mind will find evidence in the world of you being the PRIZE. And the more evidence you have of being the PRIZE, the stronger the beliefs of being the PRIZE will become.
Chapter V: Introduction to Frames & Meta-Frames:
I have already mentioned frames several times. And l am sure many of you have some idea of what l mean by "frame", but are seeking a clear definition. A "frame" is a general focus or direction that provides an overall guidance for thoughts and actions during an interaction. Put in layman's terms a frame determines the underlying meaning of behaviours and actions. On the other hand, a meta-frame determines the overall underlying meaning of the interaction. So, think of the meta-frame as a giant frame which all of the other frames fit inside of.
Let’s look at an example. Imagine a guy goes up to a girl in a bar and says, "You are so beautifuI" and the girl rudely responds, "Yea yea...now go buy me a drink". He responds by saying, "sure, anything you want sweetheart".
Now imagine another guy going up to a girl and chatting her up. After a few minutes the girl says, "buy me a drink" to which the guy chuckles and says, "Is that your best pick up line? You struck me as someone more creative than that".
I would put some big money on the first guy not shagging the girI. However, the second guy has a pretty good chance.
You might be wondering, why this is the case? Or, what is different about these two examples? Or, what exactly is going on here?
The difference is that in the first example, by the guy responding to the rude woman's request--for him to buy her a drink--he is allowing the following frames to be set:
1
That he is a pushover, since he is rewarding her rude behaviour.
2
That he must be the one who is interested in her, not necessarily the other way around.
3
That he is trying to get her to stay and talk with him.
Put in other words, this is how he is allowing the underlying meanings of his behaviours and actions to be defined. Unfortunately, the frames he has set both imply and fit inside her meta-frame: that she is the PRIZE, that he is trying to win her over, and etc. This meta-frame is unlikely to lead to this guy getting laid.
Some of you might be thinking that this whole talk of frames is silly because a person cannot really change the underlying meaning of an interaction; it is just objective reality. But l am here to tell you that this is bullshit because underlying meanings and frames are not objective reality. They only exist inside the skulls of human beings. So, when a woman says something rude to you and you buy into it being true, you are in her frame. When you say something to a woman, and she buys into it, she is in your frame. But none of this is objective reality. It is just what a person accepts as their subjective reality. Put in other words, frames, meta-frames, and underlying meanings are not reaI.
So let’s look at why the second guy has a much better chance of shagging the girI. The reason is that he is sticking to his guns and not falling into her meta frame: namely, that she is the PRIZE and that if he wants to talk to her he has to buy her a drink.
Instead of doing this, he flips it around on her and maintains the belief that he is the PRIZE in the interaction. Now she may or may not fall into his meta frame. But even if she doesn't, he is conveying the message that he is unwilling to buy into her meta-frame.
Did you get that? This is very very important.
Review:
A frame determines the underlying meaning of behaviours, and actions. And a meta-frame determines the overall underlying meaning of interactions. Frames and meta-frames only exist inside the skulls of human beings, not in objective reality. Put in other words, frames and meta-frames are just what a person accepts as their subjective reality. A man is always best off maintaining the meta-frame that he is the PRIZE in an interaction. A woman may or may not buy into his frame, but at least by maintaining the meta-frame he is not buying into her being the PRIZE in the interaction.
Homework:
Go out to a busy coffee shop or bar. Find a seat where everyone in the place is visible to you. Then, observe all of the male/female interactions. While observing each individual interaction, try to determine what the meta-frame (the overall underlying meaning) of the interaction is. Then try to figure out who is defining this overall underlying meaning.
Chapter VI: Controlling the Meta-Frame:
By now you should have, at the very least, some idea of what frames and meta-frames are. You might even be able to recognize certain frames and meta-frames in male/female interactions. But you might be wondering how to actually set, maintain, and control these frames and meta-frames. I know l used to. I can remember being in situations with women knowing that they were either controlling the meta-frame or taking control of it from me, yet feeling powerless to do anything about it. If you have been there before, don't worry. I am about to teach you a powerful four-step method for controlling the meta-frame.
Step 1: Defining the meta-frame:
The first step to controlling the meta-frame is to set the meta-frame.
This is defining the overall underlying in meaning of the interaction.
If you do not set the meta-frame--define the overall underlying meaning of the interaction--the woman will define it for you. In my experience, letting a woman be the one to define the overall underlying meaning of your interaction with her (Ietting her set the meta-frame), will drastically decrease your chances of sleeping with her (note: I am not saying that one has to be controlling. What l am saying is that one needs to be in control and conscious of how this underlying meaning is defined).
Here is an example, I personally use, of defining the overall underlying meaning of the interaction:
1
You are the PRIZE.
2
She is trying to get you to like her or trying to win you over--whether it be in the sense of attraction, acceptance or validation.
3
She wants you so bad that she is trying to make you sleep with her.
4
The both of you are going to sleep together, but only if she lives up to your standards and expectations.
Step 2: Assume the meta-frame in advance
A big part of setting frames is assuming the meta-frame with a woman before you even talk to her. This means that if l am in a bar and spot a really beautiful woman, before even approaching her l will tell myself that no matter how she reacts to me l know that the underlying meaning of our interaction is going to be this:
1
I am the PRIZE.
2
She is trying to get me to like her or trying to win me over--whether it be in the sense of attraction, acceptance or validation.
3
That she wants me so bad that she is trying to make me sleep with her.
4
The both of us are going to sleep together, but only if she lives up to my standards and expectations.
Put another way, I assume before even talking to her that the underlying meaning of all of her behaviours and actions when l do talk to her will fit into my meta-frame.
What l recommend you doing is rehearsing our definition of the meta-frame, in the same way that you would rehearse affirmations. This way you will condition yourself to automatically assume the meta-frame before even interacting with a woman.
Okay...Onward
STEP 3: THE ART OF NOT CHOOSING HER
Deep down most somewhat to really attractive women ASSUME that most men would sleep with them in a second if they had the opportunity. They
assume in most cases that they are choosing (or better yet, accepting) the
guy, and that he is just going along for the ride.
There are several cases of human courtship that both exemplify and make it
easy for women to assume this:
1). The man traditionally asks the woman to dance. She can either accept or reject the offer.
2). The man traditionally asks the woman out on a date. She can either accept or reject the offer.
3). The man traditionally asks the woman for her hand in marriage. She can either accept or reject the offer.
Perhaps this is why women who are interested in a guy, usually don't try to win the guy over.
Instead they attempt to get the guy to win them over.
For example, when many beautiful women find themselves attracted to a man, instead of approaching him, they will do things to get him to notice them, hoping that he will approach them.
This is a brilliant frame because even though they were the ones who were originally interested in the guy, they turn it around by making it up to the guy to try to win them over.
This is powerful because not only does it ASSUME that the man likes them, it assumes that he is trying to be chosen or accepted by them. When we think about it like this, it makes men seem like approval seeking puppy dogs, doesn't it?
Women knowing that they are the ones who usually do the choosing is a double-edged sword. On one edge they have this great power of knowing that most men will easily buy into the frame that women are the PRIZE. But this leads the other edge of the sword abound with insecurities.
For one, women often times have a gnawing fear that a man is only sleeping with them because they chose or accepted him--and that maybe, he does not even really like them.
For two, often times if a man views a woman too much as the PRIZE and is willing to jump through a bazillion hoops for her in hopes of winning her over, she will begin to see him as having little value and self-worth. She will begin to think to herself, why does he feel the need to do all of these things for me? Thoughts will begin racing through her mind such as, do l really want to be with a self-worthless needy desperate man? Many women refer to what l am talking about as "trying too hard".
For these reasons, it is my feeling that when a man first meets a woman, one of the best things he can do is to not choose (or only tentatively choose or accept) her, before she has a chance to decide if she is going to choose him. This is one of the best ways to set our meta-frame:
1
That you are the PRIZE.
2
That she is trying to get you to like her or trying to win you over--whether it be in the sense of attraction, acceptance or validation.
3
That she wants you so bad that she is trying to make you sleep with her.
4
The both of you are going to sleep together, but only if she lives up to your standards and expectations.
Furthermore, even if she does not buy into your meta-frame right away,
"not choosing her" preempts her from not choosing you.
Perhaps this sheds light on why many women are attracted to guys who are assholes. Often times when a man ignores women and acts like an asshole, they think: why doesn't he accept me, what is wrong with me, how can l get him to accept me?
We will talk more about how to do this in proceeding chapters (especially the chapters in the third part of this book, which relate to the art of coquetting).
Guys, this took me years to figure out. But seriously, it is so powerfuI.
Okay...moving forward....
Step 4: Setting frames that implicate the Meta-Frame
Do you remember what frames are? They are the underlying meaning of behaviours and actions. You might also remember that frames implicate the meta-frame.
Put in other words, the way in which the underlying meanings of peoples'- whether it be yours' or the girI's or both--behaviours and actions get defined, implicates an overall underlying meaning of the interaction.
What this means is that you need to be conscious of how you set frames: that is, how you define the underlying meaning of the behaviours and actions of both you and the woman you are interacting with.
There are probably countless frames or ways of defining the underlying meaning of behaviours and actions that imply or fit inside of our meta-frame.
Here are some of the ones that l use:
1
Framing one or more of her actions, behaviours, or things about her as meaning that she is not good enough for me or cannot handle me (this implicates that l am the PRIZE, and that l might not go for her because she falls short of my standards and expectations).
2
Framing one or more of her actions as her being interested or trying to pursue me (this implicates that l am the PRIZE, that she is trying to win me over, that she wants to sleep with me, and etc.).
3
Framing one or more of her behaviours or actions as her being a little crazy (when a woman is trying to get you to buy into a frame and you view it as her saying something really out there, or as something that has no place in objective reality, it inoculates the frame and let’s her know that you are unwilling to buy into it).
4
When framing her behaviours, actions, or something about her as meaning that she lacks class, it implicates many great things, one of which is that l am the one who is the PRIZE in the interaction.
5
Framing her behaviours, actions, or something about her, as meaning that she is a goober (slang for someone who is socially inept), implicates lots of good stuff. One is that since l am cool and she is a goober, I get to judge her behaviours but, since she is a goober, she is ill fit to judge mine. Two is that it sets me up as being the one who is the PRIZE in the interaction.
6
Accusing her of not really living the life that she wants to live (or accusing her of being envious of me). Both of these are great ways of implicating that l am the one who is the PRIZE.
7
Framing some of her behaviours, actions or things about her as meaning that she is a little creepy (girls often times call guys creepy and there is nothing that messes with a girl worse than me letting her know that l think she is a little creepy. God l love this one). This one can be used to implicate that she wants me but that l would never go for her because she falls short of my standards and expectations.
8
Framing some of her behaviours, actions, or things about her as meaning that she is a sleaze balI (this is another great way to implicate that she wants me but that l am not so sure if she will live up to my standards and expectations).
9
Framing her behaviours and actions as being rude or insensitive (this implicates that she is not living up to my standards and expectations).
Damn this is good; I am getting excited just writing about it.
Notice that many of these frames are the frames that women set with guys. So, I am taking many of the frames they use to turn guys into frustrated pathetic beggars, on them. This is extremely powerful--specially if you can get them to laugh while you are doing this. As l mentioned earlier, when they are laughing, their guard is down meaning that they are more apt to go along with the frames you are setting.
Onward!
Review:
There are four steps to setting the meta-frame. The first one is to set the meta-frame: define the overall underlying meaning of the interaction. The way l define it (and you are welcome to custom tweak it) is this: That l am the PRIZE, that she is trying to get me to like her, that she wants me so bad that she is trying to make me sleep with her, and that we both know that we are going to sleep together, but only if she lives up to my standards and expectations. The second step is to assume what the underlying meaning is before even interacting with the woman. The third step is to not choose or only tentatively choose her. The fourth step is to set frames that fit inside of or imply the meta-frame.
Homework:
At least once a day rehearse the definition of the meta-frame out loud. This will help you internalize it to the point that you will become conditioned to assume it even before you begin an interaction with a woman.
AIso, after interacting with a woman, write down things you could have done to frame some of their behaviours as implicating our meta-frame.
At least once a week, record an interaction between you and a woman, so you can review it and see where you began loosing control of the meta-frame. |
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